Either Trust Me, or Trust What You See

Just when things were going well…I’d been rejoicing that the tide was finally turning in our family’s favor, as it appeared that we’d finally won the faith fight concerning Kennedi’s injury. And I was steadily preparing for the next journey of faith, getting ready to take my Leap of Faith.

And then I got sucker punched. So much for a pop quiz, I got ambushed with a pop test!

Let me back up a bit. About a month ago I attended a conference and heard a great presentation by an orthopedic surgeon who started a clinic designed to treat and prevent sports injuries in young female athletes. Sounds tailor-made for my family, sign us up!

Our intake session was last week. I was excited about this program, knowing that this specialized focus on the girls would prove very beneficial as they are preparing to increase their sports participation in the upcoming months.

As each specialist came through and examined the girls, questions were asked about any and all aspects relating to their physical health. And then x-rays were ordered for each girl to rule out some concerns. X-rays? Wait…WHAT? We just came here for a general examination, and some tips and guidance leading into their upcoming seasons.

Deep breaths. I’m cool. We’ve been here before, we got this! My girls are healthy and whole – I’ve been declaring this every day since I can remember. Fear better not mess with me; I’m not even having it today.

They go back for their x-rays, and I read my book, determined to be unbothered. The scans come back fine for both girls. Praise God.

BUT… they want to order an MRI on Kennedi’s knee just to rule out any other issues. I wasn’t expecting this turn in the story. That kind of stops me in my tracks for a moment.

WHY?? She’s fine! She just finished her volleyball season and is gearing up for track!! Why does she need an MRI?

As they are intensively checking out her knee, they are concerned with some things they see and want to have the MRI to make sure her entire knee is healing as expected, and that there wasn’t any additional injury that may have been overlooked.

“GOD!!!! Really?? Why, why, why? I’m simply EXHAUSTED from this faith fight! I’ve been declaring since Day 1 that she is healed, before I even knew what was wrong! I’ve followed your Word – you said that without faith it was impossible to please you. I’m doing literally everything I can to please you! I’ve been walking, breathing, and living in faith for the last 16 months!! What more do you want from me?

I’ve been blogging, I’ve been speaking, I’ve been sharing, I’ve been testifying, I’ve done everything I can as a testament of my faith that you have healed my daughter. I BELIEVE that you are a Healer! I believe that you are HER Healer!! Why can’t you just finally fully answer my prayer so I can rest?”

After going through this pity party, I started watching some messages on faith to re-focus my attention. And on 2 separate messages that I listened to on the same day, both preachers spoke from the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. Ok God, you have my attention. You know I love this story. I previously blogged about it here. What did I miss the first time? I went back to read what I wrote.

You are a healer. Check.

You care about my feelings. Check.

You WILL get the glory. Yep. You revealed that again to me in this blog a few weeks ago.

What else? What was I missing?

Your timing is not my timing. Is that it? Jesus came back to Bethany after Lazarus had been dead for 4 days. If he left when he first received word that Lazarus was sick, Jesus could have arrived while he was still alive and healed him. And Lazarus’ sister Mary made sure she reminded Jesus of this fact.

I expected Kennedi to be healed and back to her normal self. The doctors and physical therapists said a 12-month recovery for this injury! It’s been 16 months! And to be honest I thought you were going to beat their predictions and heal her even faster! You could have if you wanted to!

And now we have to schedule another MRI! What if….? Nope, I’m not even going to give a voice to any negative thoughts.

When you’ve passed the point that you expected God to answer your prayer, it can be mentally and emotionally draining and exhaustive. I’ll confess that from time to time I’ve struggled with thinking, “maybe it’s not going to happen, maybe I should just accept the way things are now and make the best of it and adjust our lives accordingly. But what will everyone say? I’ve been declaring that Kennedi is healed and Destined 4 the Dub all this time. What will everyone think if she never makes the expected full recovery?”

Today’s Play Prediction answered my questions clearly and distinctly: The trust that I have placed in God will never cause me to be ashamed, embarrassed, or disgraced by my position of belief. My enemy will never triumph over me.

As hard as it is, as draining as it is, as discouraging as this path may seem sometimes, I have to continually reaffirm to never give up on my declaration and belief about my daughter’s complete healing. No matter what happens or how it happens in the future, I believe and know God is able to do the extraordinary and will completely blow my mind away.

When and how He does that is entirely up to Him. It is my job to just stay in faith until it happens in the physical realm, even though it’s past my deadline. I already know my faith has caused Him to move in the supernatural. The manifestation in the physical is still on its way.

And in regard to that MRI? Just another opportunity for God to get some more glory. You just wait and see…


Think about those things that you’ve been believing God for, that you believe should have been answered by now. Have you given up your fight, or are you still trusting God?

What if it doesn’t happen the way or when you want it to? Would that affect your faith in God?

Feel free to share your response in the comments section…

4 thoughts on “Either Trust Me, or Trust What You See

  1. Tonya-

    Thanks for sharing your journey transparently and organically.

    Two truths that were confirmed for me after reflecting on your blog:

    1. God will ALWAYS have the final say.
    2. God loves me so much that he wants to perfect (finish) my faith by teaching me patience.

    Believing God all the way through! Thank you for your ministry❤️

    1. Amen!! Thank you for your reflections. And what’s especially great about #1 is that we can TRUST in Him, no matter what it looks like to our human consciousness. We can dismiss our own perceptions and just trust Him!

Leave a Reply