Each Wednesday, I feel a burden lift off me, at least for a day or two, as I feel like I’ve completed one of my ministry assignments after a blog is posted. Some weeks people will reach out and comment specifically on something I’ve written, and how it encouraged them, and other weeks it will be crickets. Nothing. Did anyone read it? And if so, were they helped by it? That’s all that (I thought) mattered, as I shared my experiences so that someone else could use my life lesson in their personal situation.
But more and more, I’m having to go back to my postings for my own encouragement. It seems as if God is testing me to see if I really believe what I’m writing! And such was the case last week, on the same day the blog was posted about guarding my mind, Kass experienced some chest pain and said her heart was racing.
She had randomly complained of chest pains in the past, but usually it was due to indigestion or heartburn. The ‘racing heart’ complaint is the thing that got this overly-anxious-momma concerned. I had just seen that term used on her school’s health forms that were required for after-school sports.
So, I broke one of my cardinal rules of the internet. I did a Google search to learn possible causes of a racing heart. And you know what followed, all the scenarios down to the worst-case of what a possible diagnosis could be.
That night, Kassadi asked me to pray for her, and I touched her and specifically prayed and declared healing over her body and heart. But my mind kept going back to what I had read earlier, and I was imagining an unbearable outcome. I had to keep catching myself and pulling my thoughts in, so they wouldn’t take me somewhere mentally that I had no business going.
The next day I tried to push the incident to the back of my mind and go on about my day. But I kept thinking about those young athletes that die unexpectedly while playing sports. Even though I believed that God would honor my prayers over Kassadi, I had the responsibility of ensuring she was examined by a medical professional. Every now and then I hear stories about parents who prayed over their children, but never bothered to take them for medical treatment, and the unimaginable happens.
On Friday, I called a Pediatric Cardiology practice and scheduled the first available appointment for the following Monday. I was told to plan for 2-3 hours of testing. My thoughts immediately went to my Heavenly Father – “God you’ve blessed her with tremendous athletic talent. What if she has a major heart condition, and…”
I had to catch myself – I had written about scenarios like this multiple times. What happened to all my Playbook scriptures? They were still hidden in my heart, I had to pull them out and focus on them. I thought about everything that I had written up to this point, everything that I had just went through with Kennedi.
I reminded myself that God had shown Himself faithful over and over again, each time strengthening my faith even more. All I had to do was rest and trust. And that’s what I did! Today’s scripture was my Formation throughout the entire weekend, and it had settled deep in my spirit. I gave it to God and was trusting completely in Him.
I only talked to my husband about the appointment, and never mentioned it to anyone over the weekend. And every time the thought crossed my mind, I just covered it with peace. Peace that came from the trust that had grown so strong, especially over the last 6 months.
I didn’t just hope, but I expected the results to come back normal. For the very first time, when it involved testing for the girls, I did not struggle with worry or fear. When we checked in, we joked and laughed with the nurse taking her vitals. After she left, I touched Kassadi again, and prayed and thanked God that she was healthy and whole. The Doctor came in, and we discussed her condition, reviewed the EKG, and he performed a comprehensive examination.
We received the results I was expecting – her heart is perfect. This test was passed, but I’ll continue to stay in the Formation of Being Still until the next one comes. Because I know the God that I trust and serve is in complete control. And because of that, I can just rest my mind, my thoughts, and my hopes in Him.
Is there a concerning area in your life that you have been working to address in your own strength? How are you making out?
Can you consider giving it over to God and just resting in His great power and plan for your life?
What does resting in God look and feel like to you?