This week I’m taking a break from the past to talk about the present…
I had breakdown in the car. I was sitting in the school parking lot, waiting on Kennedi’s bus to return from her volleyball team’s playoff game.
She had already informed me that they lost. As I sat in the car, I texted my mother the outcome and that the season was over. Her response? A crying emoji stating Kennedi didn’t even get a chance to play. I hadn’t even thought about that. I was just happy to get a break from the 30-minute commute I had been making for the last 2+ months.
And then it hit me. With all the praying, all the believing, all the faith-filled words and encouragement I had shared with her since August, what we were believing for didn’t even happen.
We sincerely believed that she would be miraculously healed on OUR timeline, that she would make a triumphant return to the court, and that God would get all the glory for this astonishing outcome.
I needed something to blame. It was the insurance’s fault! If only they had approved the brace in a timely manner, we wouldn’t have had over a month’s delay in therapy and progress. But no, I had called this delay in her favor numerous times while we waited. And there’s no guarantee that the outcome would have been different had the brace been ordered and approved expeditiously.
When I reached out to my husband to lament, he gently reminded me that it’s not about the battles, it’s about winning the war. And that we would not sacrifice short term benefits for her long-term gain.
I continued to meditate, and today’s Play Prediction came to mind. Kennedi was my daughter, but she was God’s child first. He already knew every single plan for the rest of her life. His plans were to prosper her with a purpose-filled future, and not to harm her.
This revelation didn’t stop the tears, but it did give them new meaning. I tried to clean my face while she approached the car, but she could still tell that I had been crying. I honestly shared my feelings with her, and she admitted that she had also cried after the game for the same reason.
I responded that we were human, and it was OK to feel that way, but we had to understand that playing her freshman year was just not in His plans, even though it was a big part of ours. And that God had something amazing in store for her down the road, and it would be worth what she’s going through now.
So alas, mine were not meant to be, but I still trust in God’s amazing plan. As big as the plans and dreams I have for Kennedi’s life, I’m reminding that He’s able to do exceeding and abundantly above even those (Ephesians 3:20).
I’m excited to see how everything will unfold, and I’m so grateful for this promise, even while not knowing how her story will play out.
To follow Kennedi’s story, continue the next blog here.
What plans in your life are not playing out the way you wanted or dreamed? Can you trust that if things didn’t happen the way you wanted, there is a reason for that? Do you believe that God has an amazing future already planned for you? Do you trust in Him enough to release your own plans and accept His?
Feel free to share your response in the comments section…