July 13, 2018
While riding to the orthopedic doctor’s office, Kennedi winced at every bump and pothole. What I wouldn’t do just to take the pain away. But I had to focus on not getting caught up in my emotions, and definitely stay off the dead-end road of asking “Why God??” That would just lead me straight to a destination of despair and depression, and I had to remain battle-ready. I was smack dab in the middle of spiritual warfare.
As we predicted, an MRI was needed. Our doctor informed us that Kennedi couldn’t eat anything in case immediate surgery would be needed. While we waited for the insurance authorization in that small room, the tormenting thoughts started coming at me full force. Did I not pray correctly for her yesterday? I made it a habit of praying for their safety before they leave the car for any practice or competition – why wasn’t my prayer answered? How could He let this happen? Once again, I had to stop myself from going down the rabbit hole of unanswered questions.
But those walls felt like they were closing in – my husband and I were squeezed in an office chair, while Kennedi was laying on the examining table, leg propped up and still in agony. Unfortunately, the medication was not really helping to allay the pain. As a mother, all I wanted to do was make my daughter’s hurt and discomfort go away. Her leg was grossly swollen to twice its original size. The same leg that I used to bathe and lotion, and lovingly kiss and bandage over the years looked unrecognizable all the way down to her ballooned toes.
Finally, we received the MRI approval and prepared Kennedi for the procedure. Having to maneuver her in the examination gown brought fresh tears, but we did manage a quick laugh at all the sand that ended up on the floor upon our exit of the changing room.
But my laughter soon turned solemn as they wheeled my daughter past that heavy door. The attendant gave me a reassuring smile, promising me they would take good care of her, and be back in 40 minutes or so. I sank down into the waiting room chair and the tears started flowing. This was the first release I had since the onset of the injury, and I let myself wallow in my sorrow for a few minutes as my husband tried to assuage me with words of comfort.
After I got myself together, my mind searched for another scripture to hold onto. Then today’s Defensive Strategy came to mind. I remember when I first read it a couple of years earlier, and immediately committed it to memory. I knew it would get me through many episodes of worry or fear in my lifetime. I kept repeating it to myself, “I don’t fear bad news from this MRI, my heart is fixed on trusting God”. I said it over and over again until it became settled in my spirit.
Next, I reached for my phone to play Travis Greene’s You Made a Way. This brought on tears of a different kind, as I just overwhelmed with gratitude to God. Every word I was singing was a reflection of how I was feeling, and I played that song on repeat until I had convinced myself that this song would be our testimony once we finally got through this.
After the MRI was completed, we wheeled Kennedi back to the examination room past the nurses’ station and I overheard the doctor tell someone he had to call the surgeon. FOR WHAT? OH NO! GOD!!! I had to go back to today’s verse and keep repeating again, no matter what I just heard, my heart is fixed, I TRUST YOU GOD!!!
To follow Kennedi’s story, continue the next blog here.
Fear, worry, and anxiety can be crippling, especially in a situation where faith is needed. Is there a situation that has your mind imprisoned and you are not able to break free from? Today’s challenge is for you to let go of the expected negative outcome that is feeding those enslaving thoughts. Trust God that no matter what the outcome, He is in complete control, and there is no reason to fear what lies ahead.
Feel free to share your response in the comments section…